No News

Hence the silence from me...every day I think, I should post I haven't heard anything. But then I think, oh we'll get our Travel Approval tomorrow...or we'll get our updated photo tomorrow. Well, that's been several days...and still nothing.

So, I'm posting that I know nut-ting (Hogan's Heroes has been on at my house a few many times in the past few weeks!). We were supposed to get an updated photo this past weekend, but haven't seen it yet. I was hoping for TA before now, still nothing.

Maybe my post will bring both of them! (I HOPE!) I'm still hoping we'll leave the week of March 17th, but it could be the following week (let's pray not). We do have our travel conference call tentatively scheduled for March 12th, so that's a step in the right direction.

Megan's Shower

Almost the entire gang...minus a few

Most everything...not neatly organized!
Megan also got a car seat and wagon not pictured here.

There was a Chinese theme...the food was SCRUMPTIOUS!
And this is pretty much only the sweets side, there was also
homemade wantons, fried rice, and chocolate fondue.

This is a beautiful little blanket my friend Vicki made
for Megan to use on the plane.

This cute little outfit...definitely going to China!
(Since we'll celebrate Easter in China this year.)

We have the sweetest and best-est friends ever! The shower this weekend was so absolutely overwhelming. Megan got so much stuff (as you noticed)! And I could only post a FEW of the photos! I took several!

Thanks everyone...God has certainly blessed us through each of you.

Megan Update

Well, I just received a short update on Megan...she's grown VERY LITTLE since they took her information in November. She's now 12.8 lbs (let's not put that .3lb on all in one day!) and 24.5 in (I think she grew a 1/2 inch). But they did say she is doing "good" (whatever that means). She's just waitin' for her momma and daddy to come now!

This little tyke...wow is she little...can't wait until we can hold and love on her! And hopefully she'll put some pounds on in no time when we get home!

Still waiting for our Travel Approval (TA) which I hope will arrive within the next couple of days as more and more families from other agencies are beginning to receive them today.

Completely Unreal

There have been so many moments since we received referral that I've thought "wow, this is real". (Like when we were going the paperwork with the agency.) But, then I get caught up in the normal routine and can (on some level) forget all about it. After all, we've been in the holding pattern for so long...it felt like we'd purchased a place there permanently (my sister agrees!). Of course, I'd walk past Megan EXTREMELY cluttered, messy, jam-packed room and be reminded, that we--in fact--have received referral! (Now, if only the translation of all our documents will arrive so we can know a little more about little Miss Megan MeiLin!)

This weekend, though...something about TAs beginning to arrive (and Feb coming to a close) has me overwhelmed that this is real. It's not been a wonderful dream. It's real. We know what Megan looks like...we are going to China in about a month! OH MY GOSH! My church family is having a baby shower this afternoon and I think it will be even more real both at the shower and afterwards. Boy, imagine how real it's going to be when we finally get our travel dates. Oh my! I swear, at that point, the stress level will be out the roof! Getting my students, work and home situated is already beginning to stress me out.

To reduce the stress (and shorten the "before we leave" to-do list), I did spend some time yesterday getting a list of easy-to-prepare meals on the fridge (meals that we have all the ingredients for already...or are already prepared in the freezer). If the list is prepared, it will require very little brain work as we are recovering from jet lag. I've reviewed my many "travel suggestions" I've accumulated over the past several years. I've reassessed my packing list...made changes. Oh, and I've determined this weekend what clothes I'm taking (we still need to work on DH--but I know what kinds of clothes, just need specifics). Having all these things done help reduce the stress...it's the "what are we going to forget" thing that's getting me.

SO MUCH TO DO!!! SO LITTLE TIME!!!! Just repeat: It will all get done....deep breath..it's going to be fine...it's all going to be fine.

Travel Approvals

While ours has NOT arrived, a few others who received their referrals with us have received theirs! So, they have begun arriving!

Up to this point, I'm cruising along...doing what I need to do for work, school, home, etc. Once we get TA, I just know I'm going to come to a dead stop once ours arrive. Not only will it be completely real at that point, but we'll have dates on when we will leave, meet Megan and (best of all) come home.

The agency had us send our passports yesterday, they should arrive on Monday. We must be getting close to ours arriving too...so there you have it travel approvals (TAs) are on the way! Lord willing, ours will arrive early next week! Gettin' closer!

Is It Possible???

I'm not even sure if I should blog this yet...but I think it is an awesome illustration of what God can do. So here goes...

Back last Spring, our church did a RCCares Ministry project for an orphanage my friend works with in China. They did not have running water, and we collected money for the China Well Project (to helped fund the orphanage to dig a well and, in fact, they were also able to get a purification system so they won't want to boil it any longer!). Anyways, the staff decided to also give us $1,500 for Megan's orphanage to use to meet needs at her orphanage. We were overwhelmed at the time. We had NO IDEA what doors it could open for us when it was time to find out WHAT orphanage she was at, or when we would bring her home.

I found out today. The director of our adoption agency is in China right now doing humanitarian work at the three Hunan orphanages the girls from our travel group are currently living. I emailed to find out if he could tell me how best to meet the needs as Shaoyang orphanage. He was so grateful that the church would donate money and offered either 1) to find out what needs they have for us to purchase the items when we arrived OR 2) to pool the money with funds he had already alloted to give to Shaoyang and purchase the items right now while he is there. I felt that giving him the funds to meet the needs NOW is the best option (for a number of reasons not excluding the positive impact it could have on our agency--and other China families with the agency--in future relations with China). He then...and here's the miracle...asked IF he could arrange for us to visit her orphanage to see the donated items, would we be interested?

If you remember in my previous post, since her orphanage is so far away and many orphanages do not allow families to visit, I figured there would be no way for us to visit on this trip. I figured maybe when we go back when Megan is older on a "homeland tour" we could visit, but I NEVER expected to be able to visit now! Look how good God is...that because of the kindness of our church family almost a year ago, we may be able to visit her orphanage because of the items that will be purchased.

Is that not amazing? I'm flying on cloud nine...and it's still only a possibility. It might not happen, but the possibility is simply exciting to me!!!

Happy 9 months old!

Today Megan is 9 months old!

How we wish we could mark it with you, baby girl!!!! Maybe we'll be together to mark your 10 month? Okay, maybe shortly after!

What do I love?

Being Valentines and all...I thought I'd post some of what I love...

Miss Megan MeiLin, of course! While knowing what she looks like brings me to a new kind of love for her, I've loved her for many, many years. I'm not sure if it started back in 1999 when I knew I had a daughter in China or in 2000 when I began praying for our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Or maybe it was when finally began the process to bring our Megan home. But at some point in there, I have loved her. Seeing her face last week makes me love her even more...to know who she is and where she is brings a new level of love.


Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention my wonderful husband. (And maybe he should be posted in the #1 spot, but my new love took it!) While he's an "old" love, its gotten sweeter with age. I've been in love with him for more than 11 years. I often reflect how different my life would be if I had not met him. And I must say that I think it would not be as fulfilling as it is right now. I could come up with a laundry list of things I have right now that I would have without him, but they would be minor compared to the fact that I wouldn't have him in my life. He is such an amazing, wonderful man. Really most words fall far short of explaining and describing how much I love him and what he means to me.


Happy Valentine's Day, my loves!

Our Document In Transit

We just found out that our document we signed saying "Yes! This is our daughter!" was sent to China today!!!!!

And now we wait...again.

Now we are waiting for our Travel Approval (TA). This is our invitation to come to visit the country so we can apply for our travel visas. These come within 2-5 weeks of sending the document back to China. I'm thinking it will probably be about 3 weeks, but one never knows.

One step closer to bring our Megan MeiLin home!!!!

Where is Megan?

Shaoyang CWI

Megan is located in Hunan province, as I mentioned before. But we have found more information about her orphanage. First off, we found a photo of her orphanage! I don't know when it was taken, but I found the photo at Half The Sky (HTS) as they have program there. This is good news. HTS is a program that hires nannies to come and work with the children so they can be more developmentally on target. They nurture the babies and decrease the nanny-to-child ratio so each child can receive more one-on-one attention. HTS is a non-profit program which does not increase costs to the orphanage. We have sponsored various programs with HTS. In fact, this past Christmas, several family members received the present from us of sponsoring a nanny for a month (and who knows...it could have been Megan's nanny!).

It would also appear that this is a very small orphanage. According to here, there are only 68 children there. Of course, I don't know when that number was recorded as the program began there in 2003. There is also more information about the city of Shaoyang.

It looks like her city is likely 2 hours away from where we will be in Changsha. So, I would say it's safe to say that Megan will be hungry, cranky, tired and in a need of a diaper change when we meet her! And I don't think we will be given the opportunity to go to her orphanage since it is so far away. It would be neat to do so, but maybe we can do that when we got back to visit one day. It's been so neat to read more information about where she is right now.

More Information

Megan MeiLin
Here's one of the photos (my personal favorite is in the previous post)

No, I haven't fallen off the place of the earth...but my head has been the clouds! Does that count? God is so good. A little about getting "the call".

I was carrying BOTH phones with me everywhere I went around the house. I wanted to make sure that I had them on hand when the call came. I was very peaceful all morning as I busily worked on grading papers and getting caught up with my students. At about 11:30am, I couldn't help but wonder if the package had arrived, and then my mind began to wander, so I quit working. As I was making lunch, the doorbell rang (and the dogs went crazy, they HATE it when they miss someone at the door and the doorbell rings!). I noticed there was no one there, so I figured it must have been the mail carrier. So I looked out, and sure enough a package. I was not expecting anything...so I was pleasantly surprised by a beautiful Angelbear Lovie (with Megan's name on it!) from my friend Melissa. I was so blessed by the timing of this precious lovie. I sat holding the precious angel watching my soap opera, waiting for time to pass and the call to come. About 2pm, I began to wonder where-oh-where is my call! I figured it was 3pm NY time...surely the package had arrived! Then at about 2:10pm, my cell phone started ringing. I was expecting Keith to call, but I realized it was a little early for him...looked at caller id...and it was Rachael our social worker! I immediately got a lump in my throat...she said "kris"...immediately the tears started! I couldn't even speak! I think I did squeak out...just a minute, let me get my note sheet. She told me the basic information--asked me what questions I had--and I still couldn't speak as the tears just flowed! Hung up with her...immediately called Keith. I was able to remain somewhat composed to tell him the info. He acted so calm and cool...wrote it all down then immediately went to tell some of the ladies he works with (he works with almost all ladies, bless him!). He was supposed to be leaving work at 2:30, and Rachael had said it was going to probably be an hour before we get the photos. So I was glad I didn't have the temptation sitting there waiting for me! While I was waiting for Keith I called all the usual suspects: Nana, Grandpa, Auntie, and a couple of friends. Then I waited. The phone kept ringing as each of them called me back for more information...and I waited for the photos and for Keith to get home.

Finally, at 3:10 or so, I called Keith to see how close he was to home...we were nearing our hour since the call and I figured the photos could arrive at any moment. And what does he tell me? He is JUST LEAVING THE OFFICE???? I said: What? Get your butt home! We could be getting those photos any minute now! You better speed home! At about 4:30, still no pictures, so I called Rachael...she wasn't in the office! WHAT?! Finally at a few minutes after 5pm, the photos showed up and she called to tell us that she had a meeting at the corporate office and had gotten stuck in traffic on the way back to the office.

While it was so hard to wait until almost 5pm to see her precious face, I'm so glad Keith made it home and we were able to see them together. Our hearts were overflowing with love and joy at this precious girl that the Lord has given us to raise! She is certainly more than we expected. And I couldn't help but think of something Hannah said about Samuel recorded I Samuel 1. We have a figurine in Megan's room that has a paraphrased version on it: "I prayed for this child and the Lord answered my prayer and gave her to me. Now I dedicate her to the Lord. She will belong to the Lord all her life. " Boy does that say it all for us!

Some basic information we know about our precious Megan: she likes music, she laughs, she can locate the direction of a voice, she's fond of playing with toys, she is impatient sometimes, she's active and restless. She is close to a caretaker (who's name is written in Chinese on the documents). Her weight of 12.5lbs was taken in November when she was 6 months old. She really is a tiny baby girl. And one of the youngest in our travel group...and certainly the smallest of the ones I've seen thus far. We are blessed beyond words! Thank you for following our journey, which has now taken the turn we've been waiting for: raising a precious darling from China!

Introducing Our Daughter

Megan MeiLin

Birthdate: May 18, 2007

Age: 8.5 months

Weight: about 12.5 lbs

Province: Hunan (Known for "Spicy Girls"!)

We feel so blessed!
MeiLin (pronounced May-Lynn) is after Auntie Katie Mae & Nana Lin
We'll get more information tomorrow.

Surprisingly, she looks a lot like Ian! And her expression...just like many of the photos we have of him! God is so good!!!

Referrals Have Begun Arriving!!

Not ours...don't get your hopes up, yet! We're definitely Monday.

So...I'm getting to sit back and relax to see the ones that arrive before us!!! The person that I know of is on the West Coast...she still knows no details, they simply got the call they had arrived! Everything is being translated! She's logged in 6 days after us. Someone with the same date as got the call, very young little girl...another person on the 27th, also got the call, but I don't know any information. I'M SO EXCITED!!!!

See...Europe, West Coast, East Coast. Crazy, I know.

It's Official...We're Overdue

I feel like a pregnant woman a week past her due date.

While I didn't experience that with Ian, I CLEARLY remember my mom being 2 weeks overdue with my little sister (I was 10). She wouldn't leave the house...every time she did, people would say, "you haven't that baby yet?". Of course, my response would be: "No, I have, I'm just this fat! Obviously, I haven't! Thanks for pointing that out, I might not have known otherwise." (of course, I didn't get the snide remark skills from her, she would NEVER have thought--let alone say--such a thing!) Anyways, she got very sick of it. So we rode our bikes to the store for the small incidentals so people wouldn't ask the question. (I grew up in a small town, everyone was in everyone's business.)

No...the baby's not here yet. We're officially past our due date. In fact, as of last night, they hadn't even been mailed to our agency yet!? News is it will likely be the beginning of next week before they arrive. How in the world am I supposed to wait ANOTHER weekend? HOW? Do tell...

Maybe I should stay in the house...and not answer the phone.

Update: The agency called DHL...they were sent yesterday (or was that today, only yesterday our time? anyways....)they will arrive Monday!! I don't know what time...but MONDAY! For sure!

It's close!

Apparently referrals are arriving in Europe!!! WOOHOO!!! So, it's likely they will begin arriving in the US later today! Typically (for some reason), they arrive on the West Coast before they arrive on the East Coast. And as luck would have it, our China agency is in NY. Although I'm still holding out hope we'll receive it today, tomorrow is more likely.

I'll take Thursday...that's only 24 hours away!!!!

We are finally down to HOURS!

We're almost there!!!

So...I wake up this morning...after a weekend of realizing Monday is not going to be "the" day either since we've heard NOTHING...to see that a couple of large agencies are telling their families that matching have begun. What's matching? It's where they match babies with families. What's this mean? Well, typically it means that referrals will begin arriving within the next couple of days! For some reason, by the time we hear about matching, they are likely done or almost done matching and the referrals are getting ready to be mailed...oh my gosh we've almost reached the summit!!!

I've been waiting for this news...and now it's here!!! WOOHOO!!! Only a couple days of waiting left! What's your best guess? Tuesday? Wednesday? or Thursday? I'm guessing Wednesday...I'm hoping Wednesday...I'm praying Tuesday! (But, I'll take Wednesday!)

Well, It's Not Today!

Referrals are not going to arrive on Friday, the 25th. Darn it. In fact, there has pretty much been not a stitch of rumor news. Since China is 12 hrs ahead of us...it's already the weekend. So, lookin' like Sunday night/Monday morning before we'll hear anything. Bummer. It's going to be a busy weekend anyways...and...

Hopefully, our LAST weekend without our referral!

What a week!

And it's only Wednesday!!!! So, let's see...


1. WE BOUGHT A NEW CAR! Our Explorer has been giving us problems for a few months and we pretty much knew it's days were numbered. So, we've spent the past couple of weeks researching and went looking (aka shopping for us, we never just look!) on Monday. We test drove this one...and realized it was THE car (even though we had planned on buying a used one)! The new model has quite a few more safety features the previous models do not--it was a huge factor in our decision, and the price was not really all that much different. So, there you have it. We are the new owners of a 2008 Ford Escape. The color is interesting, officially called "Light Sage", but looks a little gray or cream with a hint of green. Interior is a light tan (they call it camel). Can I just say: LOVE IT!

2. The Spring semester started yesterday...figured out yesterday there were things that were screwed up in the class, so I frantically worked on fixing them before the students figured it out! Man, I swear I can do all the planning in the world...and it STILL does not go right! And I really need to figure out a routine for checking 2 classes...tracking it all, etc. I'm trying not to get stressed, yet anyways!

3. We are just days away from referral...I'm hoping they will be mailed on Friday so we'll get them the beginning of next week. I'm thinking though, with not one rumor, they'll likely not be mailed this week. As long as we get it next week, I'll be happy! (Of course, if I had a choice, I'd prefer it be toward the beginning of the week! haha)

So there you have it...a crazy, exciting week! And next week...well, it will top them all!

One week left...

(Well, and maybe a few days)...but it's so exciting!!!! It just doesn't seem possible! The day is finally arriving!!!! It brings back memories when I was pregnant with Ian and they told me I was having him that weekend (over a month early). I remember thinking, "you have GOT to be kidding me! The day has arrived"...and I didn't really even get to think about it..until I was in labor for 36 hours...had lots of thinking time then! haha.

So...we are in the final days of this pregnancy with a gestation period longer than an elephant....25 months not counting the time of gathering the documents, etc. which would bring it up to 32 months. geesh.

No rumors...which why would THIS month be any different than the previous few!? I'm just hoping they are mailed THIS week...so we'll have our referral the beginning of next week...please let it be so!

It is Finished...Kinda

I am finished with the doctorate from the standpoint of the coursework. I passed my oral exams on Thursday morning (although technically I think it was around noon). At any rate, that part is finished. Now, I have the part most people falter at--the dissertation. See at this point you don't have regularly scheduled classes or a syllabus schedule created by someone else to follow. It's simply you. All up to your dedication, focus and discipline. My discipline says a year...we'll see if I can get it done in that time frame. I sure hope so! I want to be able to strictly focus on Megan as soon as possible! Yes, I will do that for a few months, but beginning this summer, research and writing is going to have to move up on the to-do list so I can ultimately get it off the list!

So there you have it...I'm officially a "Doctoral Candidate"...whatever that means!

And then there were 2...

Two weeks to go...I am truly in shock.

It seems unbelievable. I sure wish I knew WHEN exactly we'll get the THE call. And I sure wish Keith & I could be together when we did get the call...but doesn't look like that will happen, unfortunately. Oh yes, I could (aka maybe should) wait to open the email with her photo until he comes home. But seeing as how I cannot wait to give him his birthday presents once I buy them....I'm thinking I couldn't wait to open the email until he gets home. Unless, of course, he is on his way home...but even then, I honestly don't think I could wait!

Will it be Friday the 25th??? Monday the 28th???? (Or Tuesday or Wednesday?) Or not until Thursday the 31st???

Matter how to you look at it...very soon!!!

TWO WEEKS!

1 down, 3 to go

At least that's my best guess...three weeks left before we get referral! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I will admit that the excitement has not yet returned to the level it was last month (when we thought we'd be getting it at the beginning of Jan), but I'm sure it will return soon. Heck right now most of my friends and family are almost more excited than I feel right now. Don't get me wrong, I am excited, but I'm not like I was last month. Last month, I couldn't stop smiling every time I thought about it. This month...not yet. I'm sure next week or maybe the week after that the smile will return and not leave!

Since I spent so much time the week of Christmas working on finalizing my packing list and purchasing items, I'm turning my focus to house and school things. My classes are all ready for the semester to begin, so I can focus on the dissertation and creating the plan. (No, I haven't gotten that done yet! Unfortunately. And the motivation to do so seems to have dissipated, I'm sad to report.) I have to do this now. I just have to. I'll never get this done by my goal date if I don't get moving on it! I'm meeting with my major professor next week--after my oral exams. So I need to be ready to truly discuss it with her. At this point, I'm not really ready. But I have a week, so I'll be ready by then. Short goal deadlines...that's the only way it's going to get done!

To make it even more complicated right now...my only living grandparent--my grandma--turns 90 in March. My dad & uncle want to have an open house for her and they have opted for late April so that I can be there too. (I am so thankful! I wanted to be there but thought I'd have to miss it because we'd be in China!) Apparently, Grandma is really excited about Megan; she loves babies! So, somehow it's all going to work out. I had planned on taking Megan back to SD at the end of April, but it might end up being a little earlier in April than I had planned. Now, let's pray we return from China by the end of March so I've got a few more weeks to recover before leaving again! And how am I going to grade online postings and papers for up to 44 students this semester as well? (And that's 4 papers per student, too!) I have no idea whatsoever. Can we say stress????? Yep. I'm a glutton for punishment.

Stylin' and Profilin'

A few weeks ago I was at Hobby Lobby and saw this pre-made flannel material. It was a bit spendy (for my likings anyways), but absolutely adorable. They had a couple of similar ones that were really cute, too. I talked to my MIL, who sews literally hundreds of blankets a month, to see if she'd be willing to simply sew a piece of flannel on the back and tie it. She agreed and did it in a matter of hours. It turned out SO CUTE! I absolutely love it! It's not too thick because it doesn't have any batting in it, but not too light since it's double thickness.

Megan will be stylin' and profilin' with this cute blanket with her! Now the question is...should we take it to China or not? Hhhmmm...

February or Bust

Well, our agency just called...they are not hopeful that we are in this month. The cutoff is still not official, but it seem it is 12/19. Man does that stink.

So...onward and upward...looking forward to the next batch. They will do at least one day (us) next month. Last year the February batch came on the 1st...so looks like it will be the last week of Jan or first few days of Feb. Then travel sometime in March.

Stork or Not? YES!

Well, one report says the stork is in the air. But the source is not very reliable. The same source believes the news is bad for us...I'll post as soon as I know something more definitive. I'm praying we don't have to wait another month (that would be the bad news).

***UPDATED****Referrals are arriving...right now some of the people logged in the day BEFORE us have received the call with their referral...but still no news on our date. But I will admit, it's not looking good for us being in this batch...darn it.

What's that you say???

Irish saying, "WHAT? I was sleeping so peacefully on the couch, too."

How many days??? Well, my fellow travel mate, Mary, believes we'll get referral on Dec 31. Yes, as in 4 days away. I still am thinking Jan 4th (as in a week from tomorrow). Somehow Jan 4th sounds so much further off than 8 days does! At any rate...it's SOON!!!!

Some people are getting really negative about whether we'll be in this batch or not. I believe they are simply trying to protect themselves--extremely conservatively at that, if you ask me! I think we're in. Without. A. Doubt.

Next post...the stork will be flying! Oh my gosh, I never thought the day would EVER arrive where I'd be saying the next post the stork will be in the air! (For those not familiar, we stay the stork is flying when the referrals have been mailed...and agencies are expecting packages.)

Merry Christmas...Megan

Ashley's first performance

No, we couldn't be there...but my wonderful SIL posted this for me...so I could see it just HOURS after the performance!

24 and counting...

Okay...so, if we get referral on Friday, Jan 4th...that's 24 days from today. That's the day I most expect to receive it. I'm told that it could arrive anytime between Dec 28th (OH MY GOSH!) and January 9th (YUCKY, YUCKY, YUCKY).

I'm thinking 24 days sounds good! Sooner would be good, as long as I have all my "stuff" done before then so I can focus on Megan! (and our pending travel journey, of course.)

We're NEXT!!!!

Yes, I feel this crazy right now...everything is a blur. Referrals are beginning to arrive for December, appears the cutoff is the 14th or 15th...we are DEFINITELY in for January! No doubt.

I need another countdown...T minus 30. In about 30 days we will finally see Megan's face. Oh my gosh...my heart is racing. If I can't wipe the smile off my face now, how much more so will I be smiling coming January!!!????? Wow. While Christmas 2007 is not what we expected (we thought we've had our last without Megan), knowing we will be literally days away makes it all good.

It's all good.

And Now it's December

Our Christmas Tree 2007

I honestly have no idea where November went, let alone 2007! GEESH!

Now that we are in December, we can OFFICIALLY say we will get our referral NEXT MONTH! I cannot verbalize how exciting it is that we are within a month (give or take a day or two) of seeing Megan's face. Let's see...emotions would include: anticipation, excitement, overwhelming joy, excitement, excitement and oh, did I mention excitement? It's hard to even focus on ANYTHING! There have been no referrals for December yet...and really no rumors of what the cutoff is...or when they will likely arrive. How horrible for those who are expecting referrals this month!

Oh...and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my brother, Keith...I won't say how old he is...but he is "catching up" to me! haha

A New Level of Trust

There seems to be a pattern in the passages of scripture that impact me lately. They seem to always focus on trust. The most recent I have been pondering for over a week. I was discussing some things with a person from my home group, she mentioned this passage and it's impact on her, and lately I've read and re-read it. So, here's my stab at it:

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego...do you ever wonder why we refer to Daniel as his given Israelite name and not the name Nebuchadnezzar gave him, but we refer to these men as the names given by the king? Okay, that's a side note...anyways. So these men refused to bow to the king's idol. I don't know why Daniel wasn't accused as well, as we read later he refused to follow a similar order later on, but he isn't. Only these three men, Daniel's friends, are accused here. And what was their response?

Daniel 3:17-18--"If our God whom we are serving exists, he IS ABLE to rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and he WILL rescue us, O king, from your power as well. BUT IF NOT, let it be known to you, O king, that we don’t serve your gods, and we will not pay homage to the golden statue that you have erected." (NIV)

Once it was discovered they refused to bow, the king's men arrested them and began stoking the fire SEVEN times hotter than usual. So hot that the guards putting them in the fire were killed from the heat. Yet, look at their expression of faith! Our God can...and He will...but even if He doesn't save us. What a level of trust. faith. testimony. Even if He doesn't...

Can I say that? Even if my dreams don't come true...even if the end result isn't what I planned or believe I've been promised. I believe He can do it...and I believe He will...but even if He doesn't, I will trust Him, believe in Him and serve Him.

Family New Addition

Proud New Mommy & Daddy

Brooklyn Dawn

Our new niece has arrived! She was born last night at about 8pm. I guess she decided she wanted to participate in Thanksgiving...or at least allow her parents too (she was due on Thanksgiving)! She is 7lbs 10oz. Photos finally arrived!

Look at all that hair??!!! So cute!

Amazing!

WOW are these powerful. The first is an interview with Mark Schultz on a song he wrote about adoption, the second is the video and song. Be sure to have your tissues ready...they are AWESOME!

Thanks, Debbie for calling attention to them in honor of National Adoption Month.

On the Other Side

Whew! Qualifying exams are over...well, the major portion is over. I still have oral exams once I have passed written exams, but I'm not concerned about them like I was the written exams. I wrote about 25 pages of answers over the past 2 days, answering about 10 questions, plus about 9 additional questions on a research scenario. I'm so glad they are over. I'm spending the next couple of days taking a break, but then I'm beginning dissertation research and writing beginning on Wednesday. One final step and I will be done.

Referrals began arriving on Friday, but the majority will likely arrive on Monday. It is believed the cutoff is December 8. That means only 11 days before they get to us! It's possible that we could be in the December batch, but we are expecting to be in the January batch. Just TWO months before we see Megan's face!! WOOHOO!!!

Takin' A Quick Study Break

You Belong in 1957

You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Oh my...I am past my prime...

T Minus 12

Yes, this is a countdown...a countdown to when I finally am done studying for these horrible doctoral qualifying exams. On morning 13 (11/2), I will be getting up LONG before daylight (probably 4am, YES, in the morning) and driving 2 hrs to take my exams that start at 8am (must allow for travel snarls). They last 2 days. UGH.

So, that's where I am--nose in books, notebooks and note cards. It's where I'll continue to be for the next 12 days. I've seen an exciting referral rumor this morning, but it's early, very early. And early rumors of late have not been accurate, so I won't repeat it (although it's an attainable rumor). But we are still safely within the December to February window, with only 19 days of LIDs before us. Man, I wish I knew more. Well, maybe I don't, it would be too distracting! (Although I'd prefer to be distracted then studying!)

See you on "the other side"...(of quals that is!).

Happy Anniversary (a few days late!)

Here is my attempt at a self-portrait. (And if my subject would cooperate, it would be better! But he deserves to have a crazy photo posted--after all, this is the BEST of the goofy faces!) We went to Candice's wedding last night (yes, it was beautiful!)...and I couldn't help but think about our wedding 10 years ago: October 4, 1997. We've both asked each other: where has the time gone???? Crazy how time flies when you're having fun.

So, we are 20 percent of our way to my goal of celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary! We are certainly in a completely different place than I envisioned, but it's been fun and I wouldn't trade one moment for anything.

I am done...

I am so done with all of it. Referrals came out today. I am so done with trying to predict when we MIGHT be see Megan's face. It would appear that they only matched families who have been logged in between November 26 and 30th. They did not even get one day into December (or so it seems, it's truly not official yet). You see, there are VERY few people logged in Dec 1-4. In fact, 2 of the days they "matched" this month were weekend days. Dec 3 & 4 are weekend days. Why are they so insanely slow? Only God knows. Literally. If they continue at this pace, it will be February before we see her face. UGH! There truly are no words.

The good news...there are only 19 days between where they are matching and where we are on the list. The flip side is how many months will they take to get through those small, short 19 days? I hate to even ask.

Unexpected Lesson

This past week in home group we had an awesome lesson. (Yes, I'm the teacher, but I completely attribute the lesson to God's guidance and teaching.) I don't know if anyone else walked away as changed as I have...but even if I'm the only one affected by the lesson, then it was successful.

So, what was the lesson, you ask? It was from a most unlikely source. Pastor Brian is in our home group and I don't think he was too excited about the source, but he even noticed things I didn't. It was from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (HP #1). Some background...last week Thursday after meeting with a friend, on my way home I asked the Lord to give me a word picture for when we get entangled in busyness, worry, frustration, anger, etc. I no more than had the words out of my mouth, than the scene popped into my head. I hadn't seen the movie in quite a while. We own it, but it's not one of my favorites, so I rarely watch it. Do I have your interest peaked? It's the scene where Harry, Hermoine and Ron are searching for the stone (which incidentally is the stone containing everlasting life, which could be another teaching). They jump into the trapdoor and land on a viney plant. One even makes the comment, good thing this plant was here...then the fun begins. The plant begins to wind around them, ultimately desiring to kill them. As they struggle, more vines wrap around them. Finally, Hermoine realizes it's the plant, "Devil's Snare". (Could it be more perfect?) And they need to relax or rest in order to be released from it's grasp. She relaxes and falls right through. Harry eventually relaxes and falls through as well. Ron just cannot see how he can relax when he is being choked and killed by this plant. Hermoine then remembers that Devil's Snare hates sunlight (or is that Son-light?), displays sunlight from her wand and Ron is released from the snare.

First off, let me just say that I had NO IDEA that the plant was "Devil's Snare" and sunlight was it's "enemy" until I watched it with this lesson in mind! Second, as was pointed out in our discussion, Hermoine had to be plugged in and connected in order to know the information she did. Finally, we were supposed to start a series entitled "When God's People Pray" by Jim Cymbala of Brooklynn Tabernacle Church. However, the books have not arrived yet because, I believe, the Lord wanted to teach us about ensnarement before we could learn the lessons from this series.

There were 5 points to the lesson based on various verses:

I Thessalonians 5:17 "Pray without ceasing." or "Pray continually." We looked at this command to us. We discussed: how can you pray without ceasing? What does this mean?

I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your cares upon God, for he cares for you." What cares should we cast upon God? What are some examples of the cares we have? Again, another command.

Prov 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." We noted there are 3 commands here: trust, lean on God (not on ourselves) and acknowledge Him.

Follow up questions included: what are some of the things that snare us like the plant "Devil's Snare"? What are the benefits the devil receives when he has us entangled? Then we looked at a couple other passages that look at our liberty in Christ and Christ's burden for us is light.

Is there something ensnaring you? The key to being released from the Devil's Snare is awareness...if you are aware of the snare entangling you, you can begin to focus on plugging back into our Power Source. Another key is action...when you become of aware of the entanglement, then you need to do something about it, go to your knees, God's word, etc.

Take an assessment...are you ensnared? Do you need freedom from something? God wants you free!

I'm So Honored!

A sweet blogger friend,Wendy at Adoption & Fire, gave me the "You Make me Smile Award". I'm so honored! Wendy always has such great postings on her website. I love to check it multiple times a day! If you need some inspiration, she's got it! Wendy is also adopting from China. She and DH were also logged in December 05 right around the same time as us! Thanks my fellow blogger friend!

In true blogger fashion, I HAVE to pass it on...and the website that makes me smile every time I read it has to be...David & Amy at Our Journey to China. We met them through our agency and look forward to seeing them at the monthly support groups (which we haven't been to for a few months--life's been too busy!).

Exciting Realization

I think I've gotten somewhat caught up from being gone for six days traveling to SD for Grandpa's funeral. It was an interesting experience...family dynamics, hhhmm. It was so good to see Ashley & Brady and, of course, my siblings. The cousins on that side of family were together for the first time ever. The last time we got together, the youngest two were not born yet, and they are in now high school. It was good to get some extended family photos and catch up with everyone.

Now...on to the exciting realization! I was in a planning meeting on Friday night...where we were looking at the next 90 days. So, in counting out in my head the months/days that includes....I realized something awesome...WE WILL likely HAVE MEGAN'S PHOTO in the next 90 days!!! OH MY GOSH!!!! Ninety days from now is mid-Dec...even if we miss the December batch, which I don't believe we will...we will see her face within the next 110 days! WOW! AMAZING! AWESOME! Needless to say, how can you focus on a meeting when during this quarter our lives will change! I will experience international travel...China...holding Megan. Cool. The sparkling cider is going in the fridge soon!

There are no new rumors yet, but things might begin floating in the next week or so. However, things are still so busy for us, that I likely will read them (assuming I even have time for that!), get excited to myself...likely email or call Keith with the rumor...then wait for referrals to come out! So...here's to referrals coming soon!

What an interesting weekend...

I'm sitting here...taking a moment to get my things together before heading out of town this week. My Grandpa Leo passed away this afternoon at the age of 93. Here is a picture of me with him taken a few years ago. He looks really good here, in fact he's looked like this most of my life. However, mom said that neither she nor my siblings who were with her yesterday at the nursing home recognized him. I'm grateful that he did not linger long.


On another note...referrals are in. The number of days covered are not as many as we would have hoped, nor rumored...the cutoff day was November 25. I will sugar coat this and say that apparently the number of referrals is not less than usual, as there were so many families logged in during this time. But, not matter how you look at it, it still stinks. It does reduce the number days until they get to us to 25 days! That's cool! It's still possible for us to be in November, but December is looking more likely. We are still looking at this year...but we will likely be the first group to hit waiting almost 24 months before referral. Yuck.

Peace Deviated

Last week, Pastor Brian shared from John 20. In this chapter, Jesus raises from the dead and Mary Magdalene finds the tomb empty. Brian looked at Jesus' words to his disciples. It was so refreshing, and appropriate for those of us in the adoption world. See, this is the first time I've looked at what Jesus says to his disciples...I mean TRULY looked at the words. Have you? Well, let me tell you, it's truly amazing. A little background...

After Mary finds the disciples and tells them she has seen Jesus (she is the first one he appears to, by the way), the disciples are scared. They are nervous. They don't know what to do. So, they meet together, and lock the door behind them because they are scared. They are scared they are all going to be killed like he was killed. Jesus then came in their midst and says..."Peace be to you" (John 20:19). Not only once, but he again says it in vs. 21. So, he doesn't say it just once, he says it twice! He said they should have peace...when the whole world was turned upside down. Peace. When he later comes back after Thomas is with them, he again appears to them inside the locked door, and again the first thing he says is Peace (vs. 26).

So what does that mean for us? When we are in the midst of fear, loss, pain, death, confusion and doubt, we need to have peace. The disciples experienced all of these emotions, emotions that Brian believes God did not desire us to experience, but we have experienced since the fall in the garden. Jesus speaks peace beyond all of it. If you think of peace as the perfect balance point on the scale, where are you out of balance? What areas do you experience fear, loss, pain, death, confusion and doubt?

Brian's question for us that I pass to you: Where have you deviated in your life from the peace God wants you to have? It is this area (or these areas) that you need to give back to God.

It's That Time Again

Referral time! Well, almost. The rumor is they are about ready to be sent. I hope they are sent today or early tomorrow so they will arrive yet this week. Otherwise, with Monday being a holiday, families in the US will have to wait until Tuesday to receive the news! That would be bad...well, not really. After all, if they are sent this week they will actually be earlier than usual, which would be very, very, VERY good!

Currently, they are saying that November 29 is likely the cutoff, the rumors have been scarce this month, so it they might not go that far. I'm not sure which I like better: a month where tight lips abound and we hear pretty much no information or a month of looooooooooooose lips where the news is so good, it's crazy and laughable. I'm thinking maybe the quiet months. I think they bring about less stress me anyways. So, that's the latest...which really isn't much. But, now you know what I know: pretty much nothin', honey.

My prediction/hope is they go to Nov 28...so if they get to the 29th...I'll be MORE than overjoyed and, for me, it will firmly keep us in the Nov/Dec 2007 range of when we will hear some news! So, that's all, folks!

Whew!

I have made it through a HORRIBLY busy week! I taught a mini term this week with 24 students! Each student turns in 2 papers over the week...which I promptly return the next morning and they take 3 exams. I still have their final projects to grade, but I do feel like I'm back to the land of the living. To top it off, I contracted food poisoning Thursday night, which meant Friday was a VERY short day (final exam and that's about it)! In fact, they did not complete their presentations, they simply turned in their projects as I was completely unable to sit through that many presentations having been up all night sicker than I have been in years. I think the last time I was this sick was before we were married! Needless to say, I won't be eating coleslaw for some time!

The weekend still holds a fairly long to-do list, but I feel like I do have somewhat of a handle on it, I think. Not including getting caught up on all the news, rumors and events that happened over the past week. Fall semester starts on Monday, which also means I have to complete the last minute things to be sure I'm ready for that to begin as well!

I do ask those who know us and our story to pray for a virtual friend of mine. She does not want to disclose too much information, so I will not identify her, but I do ask that you pray for her and her family. Her infant niece died this past week from a genetic disorder. She was the first child, first niece, first grandchild. Unfortunately, I know the pain as a mom to lose your baby and my family knows the pain of losing their first grandson/nephew. Please pray for their family. And, blogger friend (and fellow China adoptive mom-to-be), if you read this, know there are many on here who are praying for you and your family! God will be faithful, I promise!

Preparing Myself

Okay, potential bad news here (although it could be read as good news). Yes, I'm talking about projections for us getting referral. I've just scanned through the numbers of those that I KNOW are logged in before us in December. I've added it all up, guessing approximately how many families will be matched each month based on previous months, etc. It's not looking good.

I still believe it is looking good for 2007. However, November is not looking so good. Certainly, there is the possibility that they could begin to speed up more than I've estimated. Certainly, they could not speed up at all (which makes 2008 the year of Megan in our household). If my calculations are correct, we could miss the November group by ONE lousy DAY! While that would be more than disappointing and border on frustrating, it would guarantee us in the December batch. See there is a silver lining here. It would mean another Christmas without Megan, although being in the December batch means we will at least have her photo and know what providence she is in at Christmas time.

So, I'm putting it out there...if it happens there will much wailing and gnashing of teeth at our house for a day or two after referrals come out. But, after the sulking is over, the excitement of knowing we'll be in the next batch will propel us through the month, I know it will! Besides, we can't stay negative at our for too long...it's in our jeans (yes, I spelled that right!)!

August Cut Off

Much to my amazement referrals began arriving today! They do not typically arrive until at least the 4th so arriving on the 2nd is pretty amazing. It appears the cut off is November 21, 2005. While I'd have liked to see them get further into November, it is what I expected for this month's referrals.

What does that mean for us? Well, first off, there are LESS THAN 30 DAYS of families ahead of us! That's so incredibly exciting...we truly are getting close! I don't think anyone has posted photos and information yet, so I have no idea if these kids are really young (between 6-10 mo) like they were last month, or if they are bit older (between 9-12 mo). I should know in the next couple of days.

Congratulations to those families who are receiving the information on the children this week!

****UPDATE****November 21st is the cutoff, and the babies I've seen seem really young (6-8 mo with a couple around 11 mo.) There are apparently several boys, as well as several sets of twins! That's exciting (but won't happen to us...we did not apply for twins)!

Rumors and Such

First off...before I even enter the realm of discussing rumors...I do want to note that we have been on the list in China (LID) for 19 months today. Exciting? Not so much! I certainly expected to be home with Megan by now...26 months after beginning this process.

Okay, on to rumors...I hate to even put the rumors in writing, they really are too good. And most likely WAY to good to be true! They are, however, coming from multiple sources, so I'd be remiss if I didn't at least post them (then I can laugh later that they were so far off base!). The rumor is that they will complete the last half of November and get into December in the next batch, which will arrive sometime the first week of August.

NOW: before we all get excited...let me remind you that rumors that come out this early and look this good typically are NOT true, but they do provide a certain bit of humor! November was a record breaking month of families who submitted their documentation to China to adopt. Even the possibility that they could get through the last half of November in one month, while it took two months to get through the first half...is laughable. But it's out there.

The good thing this rumor does for me...(as someone else so eloquently stated) we are close enough to be in the rumors--well the month of December is, anyways. I'm still thinking that November is most likely when we will hear something. And it would be just like God to make me wait until after I pass my qualifying exams November 2-3 to get our referral! (It would be an AWESOME reward, though.) Although, it might be best or it would be INCREDIBLY difficult to focus on studying if I have Megan's picture and an upcoming trip of a lifetime in my sights before I take the exams! If we are in the November batch...we'd likely travel around Christmas time...Christmas in China...what would be a better present????

More Wedding Photos

Okay...got some more photos from my SIL...Thanks, Jodi!


Bride Katie & Flower Girl Ashley



Dad & Katie (Dad, what were you thinking at this moment?!)

I'm still waiting for the "must take the can-can off now" photos from the Park! Hopefully I've have them soon! (Long story, but hilarious and memorable! Oh, and if you see photos on the internet of a bridesmaid and bride standing behind a bus, both laughing while trying to hold the bride's dress up, email it to me!! Because that's us! --And a video of it would be even funnier--See I told you it was hilarious!)

Megan

No, we do not know anything more now than we did yesterday, but I thought I'd post some random thoughts. We know we are nearing the day we'll see her face. Every day we are one day closer. While I've been saying that for several months...but knowing that July is half over and that we could very well see her face in November makes it very real that we truly are VERY close.

Here are some random thoughts I'd had while following fellow Buckner/Gladney families and friends who are on the final leg of their trip to bring their little girls home. First, as I go to their blogs multiple times a day hoping for an update, I can't help but wonder...each of these girls looks SO DIFFERENT! Does Megan look like any of them? Is she in any of the providences that these families are at? Or is she in the same providence as our friends (and former neighbors) live in? Those families who were able to go to their daughter's orphanage...was Megan there? Have they seen Megan and we don't know it? Will Megan have long skinny legs like beautiful Abby or will she have a full face like adorable Faith? Will she grieve like Lili?

I've read recently that those who do the matching of children with families tend to not only look at bone structure, facial features and interests of the children and families, but they also look at dates. (Did you realize there were so many things they considered?) So, families are often referred children who are born near other family members' birth dates. Will Megan's birthday be in April like Ian? Or May like me? Or was she born in December like her daddy (which also happened to be his 40th birthday...and the 1 year anniversary of our file being sent to and logged-in in China)? Will we receive a referral around our 10th anniversary in October? If so, it would be a complete surprise and shock (at least from the view right now)!

So many questions...but the answers will be here soon...because November is only 3.5 months away!

Katie's Wedding

The Newly Weds: Katie & Greg

She says the wedding was exactly what she always dreamed she wanted, so that's good. From the worker bee perspective, oh my, let's not go there! Truly though, it was beautiful. There were a few funny snafus, but overall everything went grand.

Ashley was the flower girl and did beautifully! Everyone was very proud of her! Somehow, my camera was never where I was the entire day...so I have so few photos, but those with the photos have promised to send them to me. But, I did get a few...


Aunt Kris & Ashley before wedding


Aunt Kris & Brady at rehearsal dinner


Me & DH

***OH, and one final note*** Clark & NaTosha are having a girl! (They found out while we were back home.) So...two new girls will be joining the family in the next couple of months! (And we will be continuing the pattern: girl, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl! Who will join the family next? And will it be a boy?)

July's Referrals

The new batch of referrals came out yesterday! They were for families placed on the list between November 8 and 14, 2005. It is not a lot of days, however, the month of November has many, many families logged in. The kids I have heard about thus far are 6 - 10 months old, which are really pretty young.

This means there are 36 days left before they get to our day! YIPPEE!!! (Yes, today is "the wedding" day...more on that later!)

Nowhere

Again, I've been reading Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. I'm sad that I only have one chapter left, I want more! Today's chapter (chapter 11) is exceptional while humbling. Listen to this: "awareness that preoccupation with the yesterdays and tomorrows of life to the neglect of now/here--Nowhere--is not living at all."

Guilty. I live looking forward way too much...looking forward to our trip...looking forward to receiving Megan's photo...looking forward to bringing Megan home.

How about you? Are you living in today? I know, it's tough sometimes, especially if today does not contain exciting, fun or interesting things (yesterday was much better or tomorrow holds such promise). But, we only have today...tomorrow is not guaranteed. Yes, we all know the phrase, but how many of us actually live it? As for me, I am going to focus on today. After all, "today's trouble is enough for today" (Matt. 6:34 NRSV).

The Latest Rumors

Well, today's rumors sound similar to what I've been hearing quite a bit lately. That is...we could receive Megan's information sometime between October 2007 and January 2008. Big window. Certainly does not help us in deciding to schedule a vacation this fall or not. Every time I think "heck with it, let's schedule one!" I second guess myself! So, any ideas or suggestions???? I'm not much of a gambler which makes using up DH's vacation this year tough for me. I don't know.

So, what would it look like in bringing Megan home? Well, if we receive her information for our 10th anniversary in October (could it be true? It happened for the Zimmer's 15th!), then we'd likely travel sometime around Thanksgiving. If it's November that we hear, we'd probably spend Christmas in China (wouldn't THAT be cool???). If it's December, well, if I must think like that, then it'll probably be mid January. If it's January...well...they have holiday in February...so it'll likely be into March. Personally, I prefer the October or November choices!

A Formula to Trust

In reading Ruthless Trust, Manning introduces a formula. Simple math with complex application. (All taken from p. 86)

Faith + Hope = Trust

What is Faith? According to Manning, Faith arises from a personal experience of Jesus as Lord. I would argue it comes from more than a single experience. What kind of experience might it include? Let me see...the overwhelming joy and fulfillment you experience when he comes into your life. I can't really explain it unless you've experienced it.

What is Hope? According to Manning, Hope is the reliance on the promise of Jesus, accompanied by the expectation of fulfillment. I don't know if there is any explanation needed.

What is Trust? Also so well stated by Manning...it is the winsome wedding of faith and hope. It makes sense, doesn't it? You have to have faith and hope in order to trust in Jesus? Yep, I thought so to.

So, do you have faith and hope in Jesus? Even through the tough times, I wouldn't be without faith, hope and trust in Jesus. For me, there is no other way.

It's official

The current batch of referrals arrived yesterday. Some REALLY cute and pretty young kids! Quite a few boys (yes, boys do get adopted out). Typically people who receive boys are families who did not specify gender (we did, however). Unfortunately, it was not near the number of days as was expected which is a bummer. It goes through the families logged in November 7, 2005. We are currently 44 days after that date. So, who knows when we'll receive our referral. Hopefully in 2007!

**updated**Current predictions put us somewhere between October 2007 and January 2008. A mighty big window...one which I hope narrows and comes sooner!

**again updated**Our friends the Zimmers returned their final document! They are simply waiting on travel approval! The agency is working to get it quickly so they can travel with the agency's families who received referrals in May! So...they could be leaving as early as the beginning of July!!! SO EXCITING! They will finally be bringing Faith home!

Limiting God

I was able to read another chapter from Manning's book Ruthless Trust this morning. I truly do not think I can put into words my thoughts on this particular chapter (Thinking Big). I am going to try...and I may later decide it is not sufficient and leave it simply with a quote. He's talking about how we view/define/describe God in our own minds/hearts. So here's the quote, taken from pg. 56:

"The more we let go of our concepts and images, which always limit God, the bigger God grows and the more we approach the mystery of his indefinability. We overlook the dissimiliarity, we begin to speak with obnoxious familiarity about the Holy, make ludicrous comments such as 'I could never imagine God doing such a thing,' calmly predict Armageddon, glibly proclaim infallible discernment of the will of God, and trivialize God, trimming the claws of the Lion of Judah."

Do you see why I cannot come up with the words to describe what I'm thinking about what he writes here? I'm guilty, so guilty. It's true. We spend so much time trying to imagine who God is, we limit Him. We overlook His mystery. We make Him small. We put Him in a box: one that defines Him through our eyes. Oh boy, am I guilty. I've found myself asking, God why isn't Megan here yet? Trying to figure out His plan...His purpose...His perfect will. I can only discern where He wants me to be right now, then obediently be there. What other events must take place surrounding that, I cannot even begin to pretend I know. I can only do what I know the Lord wants me to do right now...the rest is up to Him. He holds the whole world in His hands. I think He can probably handle Megan and facilitate the exact moment our paths intersect. I know it is perfectly planned, not by me, but by someone so much bigger than me: God.

Gratitude

So I've started reading a new book. The author came highly recommended by various friends, and although none of them had heard of this particular one by the author, I knew by the title I needed to read it. It's Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. I've not gotten very far into the book, but there are so many challenges and enlightenments I cannot even process them all. If you are looking for a good book, I highly suggest this one.

Here's an example of one of the things that moved me this morning as I was reading. In this specific section he is talking about gratitude. He says "To walk in gratitude is a way of living that is inclusive, attentive, contagious, and theocentric" (p. 30). Each of these have excellent points. But in the 'gratitude is inclusive' he quoted something I just had to share. Henri Nouwen has written on the spiritual work of gratitude...

"To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives--the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections--that requires hard spiritual work." Yep. It sure does. And it never gets easier either, at least that's my experience.

He then closes the quote with this: "Let's not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see it in the guiding hand of a loving God." WOW! So this says to me that all the events of life (big and small) make up who I am and what I can do for God. Let's see...that would include traffic, work, school, studying, Ian, waiting for Megan, I could go on and on...man, what a perspective.

I almost need to take the sentence and place it everywhere I am so I can see it in all my circumstances and be grateful for the good, the bad and the ugly.

Holiday Weekend

On the eve of a long holiday weekend (for most of us, anyways!) I thought I'd post. The last few weeks have been so busy for me. I've started the enormous task of preparing for my qualifying exams. Oh my goodness...there is much more to do than I anticipated! I sure am glad that I started early! WHEW! If it ever stops raining here (yes, its been a very wet spring), we plan on staining the deck and maybe even painting inside this weekend. Whether it is dry enough to do either of these things remains to be seen, but we would like to get something off the long list of summer projects!

We are also on the eve of the next batch of referrals to come out. While we do not expect to be in this batch, rumor has it that it will be larger than we have seen for many a month. If they do get as many days as rumored, we could be in the August or September batch. Much better than the outlook a few weeks ago...which was most likely not bringing Megan home in 2007. Whenever it is, it will be the perfect timing. And we will wait until the appointed time.

Wait Here

In addition to our wonderful pastor, Brian, I frequently listen to a local pastor on the radio. The church is Reunion Church and the pastor is Richard Ellis. Here is the direct link to the most recent sermon that is absolutely moving: Wait Here. Some of the things that touched me...

When Jesus ascended into heaven, he told his disciples to wait here until the Comforter comes. The disciples had to wait more than 50 days. I wonder how many of them wanted to move forward...I wonder how many of them gave up...I wonder how many of them were frustrated and wavering in their faith that Jesus would even send the Comforter. I want to say, I can't imagine. But, unfortunately, I've had to wait for too many things (well, I think it's too many!). The waiting game is something I'm getting good at, not necessarily by my preference to be good at, just kind of happened that way. For example, we've been in process to bring Megan home for over 2 years now. It's been 3 years since Ian joined our family--I thought for sure after God took him home that He would bring us another child by now, but no, we've had to wait here.

Richard in his sermon mentions Habakkuk 2. I'm sure I've read this passage before, but I always find it amazing how God brings different things to life at the appointed time. Look at verse 3: "For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." Oh man...the vision God gave us years ago to adopt from China--I knew it was not yet time, we had to wait. Yet, at the time the wait was easy. Now, we are still waiting as the appointed time is not yet here. But this wait is FAR more difficult! Being near the end of the journey...seeing the finish line...it sure is hard to wait. But, as Richard Ellis finishes up his sermon..."It is worth the wait." I've heard too many families talk about how when they meet their child for the first time, the wait simply melts away. Too many have said the wait was so worth it (of course they can say this after the fact!).

I certainly want to be where God wants us no matter how long it takes.

Weeds

Brian raised an interesting question this week. After challenging us to consider our expectations of God, he mentioned Matthew 13 and the Parable of the Sower and the Parable of the Weeds. He asked "Do you want to be weeds all your life?" It hit me like a ton of bricks. We have choices...oh, so many choices.

First question: do we want to be weeds? We certainly have the choice here. Do we want to choke out those who have received the word, are growing in the Lord, and are in our circle of friends/acquaintances? Do we, as weeds, want to lead these individuals astray? Do we realize the end result of weeds? They are bundled and burned at the end (Matt 13:40)? I hope we do not want to be weeds.

Second question: Are we "in the weeds"? This one gets a little tougher. This requires us to consider our friends and acquaintances. Are there more weeds around us than wheat? How does being around weeds affect us? We, of course, know the answer, but are we willing to face the answer? The wheat can get plucked up with the weeds...certainly tangled up and possibly choked out. If we are "in the weeds", what do we do? How are we going to change our course? How we do "move" our wheat? Certainly going to need some self-reflection and deep prayer.

Third question: Are we wheat? How do we ensure our wheat is as hearty as possible? How do we ensure we are healthy kernels? How do we surround ourselves with other wheat? If you know anything about farming or gardening, you know that plants that are surrounded by weeds tend to be wimpier than those not being choked out by weeds. If they are fruit or veggie bearing plants, the produce tends to be fewer and/or smaller while the well weeded garden produces much more and much better.

So, I walked away asking myself these questions...and so I pass them on to you. Are you: 1) a weed; 2) in the weeds; or 3) healthy thriving wheat with few weeds around?

A Milestone Achieved

Thank goodness the semester is over! I've submitted my final paper in my final doctoral class! WHEW! What an amazing feeling....of course the greatness of it fades fairly quickly when I think of the dissertation research I get to work on this summer. But for the moment, it feels good! If only it was the final submission of my dissertation. That would definitely call for a celebration of magnificant proportions!

In the mean time, I have a summer to-do list as long as my arm...all those things I've put off for so long will be tackled this summer. Once we see Megan's face, all "things to do" will be lost. Well, at least the ones not Megan related!

God is so Good

During the month of April at our church, we have been collecting funds for Chinese orphans. Originally, the project started with the gift to go to Megan's orphanage--either a cash donation or purchasing items that they need when we arrive in China. However, after the first week, I became aware of an orphanage who did not have a well. They literally carried water from somewhere else to meet the needs of about 60 children. So, we broadened it with the intent to help fund this well project and us take a small amount to Megan's orphanage since most orphanages who participate in international adoption seem to have fewer needs than those who do not participate. And this orphanage cares for special needs children who may never have a home outside of the orphanage.

I received the final numbers today...God is so good...not only will we be giving to fund a little more than half the well project ($3,500), but we are also taking $1,500 to Megan's orphanage. I am completely overwhelmed at how God allows me to be part of the amazing things He is doing in and through RCC. God is so good!