On Tuesday (when I posted what I did), we had some possible reasons for why Megan needs touching and/or rocking to go to sleep. We know nothing more about her past, just a reminder about it. If you remember, here I discussed Megan's exposure to trauma. And we feel that this trauma is still influencing her sleep. In the research that I've done this week, I've read about many families who are experience sleep issues years after their child is in the safety of their forever home.
Megan has made great strides developmentally and physically which makes it easy to forget about her pre-American life. But, it is part of who she is and it cannot be neglected. You may disagree with me, but honestly things are different. I cannot parent her the same way that I would parent another child with a different background (and I'm not talking Chinese here). That's a fact. One that we are well aware of, even though others tend to forget. Would I like to forget? Yes and no. Yes, because it makes me sad that she hasn't been with us since birth. But, no, because it is part of who she is.
We realized this week that us leaving her to go to sleep on her own in her bed was only feeding into her fears. When I was sitting in the doctors office those weeks ago, I literally started crying when he told me we had to stop rocking and I honestly did not know why I was--other than I knew that was not the answer. But, having discussed things with some other parents this week, I've been able to put words to my feelings. The sleep doctor completely ignored the fact that we are missing information about her beginnings. Honestly, that's a huge piece of the puzzle that is missing--and it's not a few pieces from the edge of the puzzle, but right smack dab in the middle of it. We cannot get an accurate picture without that very large piece. That's what was bothering me in the doctor's office. That's what was bothering me about letting her fall asleep on her own. That's what has been wrong with what we are doing.
I cannot tell you the peace that I felt (well, after I calmed down a little) when we discussed it further. This felt right. For both of us.
So, what we're doing with Megan right now is what Megan needs. All advice on how we're spoiling her or letting her control us or whatever, you can keep to yourself. Unless you've parented an adopted child who has experienced trauma, you are probably don't understand and that's okay.
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4 comments:
You are her mother and you know best....yes, I totally agree....she needs you now and needs to know she is safe...and if rocking is the thing that does it so be it....God Bless!
You know....when you mentioned the other day that you were so ready to call the doc and tell him you were abandoning the sleep routine and telling him it's not working, I was praying that God would give you an answer to a prayer and I had a feeling he would. Well, he did give you an answer. It may not have been exactly what you were wanting, but he helped you realize what you needed to do. Like Tracey said above... you are her mommy and you are the only one who knows what is best for her. Take and love Megan with all your heart and soul. Let her know that she is safe in your care. Rock her, hold her, let her sleep with you, whatever it takes. God put her in your care for a reason. :) You and your husband are such wonderful people and I admire all that you two are doing in your lives. Keep up the great work. Things will improve.
-- Blessings, Vicki
You are exactly right...adopting a child is different than birthing one...so if people can't keep their mouth shuts they need to do a little research.
Good for you, Mom, for doing what you need to do for your family and your precious daughter.
Kris, that other post is from a different Vicki. It is very sweet. I am glad you have found a solution that works for Megan and for you. I think the fact that you have PEACE is the best indicator of all that this is the right decision for sweet Megan right now. Love in Him, Vicki (Cagle)
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