Goodbye, Ian

After a very rough night and incredibly long day, we said goodbye to our precious Ian 6 years ago today. In fact, the day was spent holding our breath while waiting for my mom to arrive. My favorite part--if there was a favorite part of such a sad, horrible day--was the afternoon. He was in very bad condition, which wasn't a good part, but he would only hang on if I was holding him. So, I got snuggle time for the last almost 2 hours of his precious, short life on this earth. Time I will never forget.

Oh, how you'd be such a great big brother to Megan! We miss you!!

Our Farewell--3 Years Ago

It seems unbelieveable that we said good bye to our Ian just a week after welcoming him into the world. I am forever grateful for the almost 24 hrs where he never left our sight...for Brian taking all the family photos of us with our beautiful boy...for NanaLin, Grandpa Gale and Grandma Patty being able to see him alive...for the many friends and family who helped in more ways than I can list.

But life goes on. And ours has...different than we expected, certainly more DIFFICULT than we expected, but it has. We miss Ian desperately. I frequently think about how different our life would be if he was still with us. But he's not...and Megan will be soon. So, I attempt to look forward--to what Megan will bring to our life. After all, what other choice do I have? (Well, okay, what other VIABLE choice do I have?)

This week I reviewed notes I had made just 15 weeks after Ian joined our life as I stood up in front of 100+ people and shared my testimony (twice, actually). I was reminded of something that "came to me" then...I cannot permanently sit on the curb of the road of life because Ian is gone. Yes, it is okay to sit down and have a good cry. But, I cannot spend the rest of my natural life sitting on the curb. I'll miss too much of what lies ahead. And now--3 years later--the "curb time" is becoming less, but it does not change the loss. It does not eliminate the pain, but it does lessen. The intensity comes and goes, but with the large circle of unbelieveable friends I am blessed with, I will survive.